F-A-I-L-U-R-E

I’m starting to think I’m being a failure. I don’t know. It’s just the way my mind works right now. I don’t usually self-pity, you know. In fact, it’s one of the things I hate doing. But these past weeks, I have gone through so much emotional unbalance that I don’t know where to start.

I feel like a cup of water, overflowing. And despite the lack of space to actually accommodate the additional droplets of water life is pouring on me, I still try to find a way. But I guess I might just have to let it overflow. Sooner or later, that’s what’s gonna happen anyway.

– – – – –

It’s hot. really, it is.

I thought the weather man actually predicted “cold weather” until February. January hasn’t even reached the 31st and its hot as hell here.

– – – – –

I flunked my midterm exam yesterday.

Too much pressure in class plus the frustration and the time limit actually forced me to feel soo bad that I handed over my paper early, 45 points of the exam I did not, deliberately, answer.

I guess that’s what you get when you have manic depression which starts to manifest when I try to think too much (plus a dash of sadness and a pint of frustration).

– – – – –

Sometimes, I couldn’t deal with the pressure. I know I have this case of being OC sometimes. I can feel it.

But its really hard when people think highly of you. When people actually believe in you, for you to let them down.

I am having problems with that right now. Or at least something related to that.

You see, some people actually believe in me- they think I’m smart and I’m good and I’m this and I’m that. And the pressure of being the opposite of everything they expect, It’s too much.

I feel as If I can’t flunk, I can’t be bad – I can’t conform to what they say otherwise, they’ll feel disappointed with me.

my life is more complex than anyone could imagine. *breathe*.

– – – – –

One more year until graduation and I’m starting to have second thoughts. I’m actually reconsidering shifting to Tourism.

I’m pretty sure the feeling won’t stay. I hope.

– – – – –

Did I mention the Official Lyceum Calendar for 2009 was released? Well, not to students from Lyceum at the least. They’re being given to 4th year High School Students now, although I really think they would distribute some for lyceans.

Yup, I have myself plastered there. LOL.

Here’s the pic anyhow (click here for a larger version):

– – – – –

I joined the lucky batch of students who talented for the school’s corporate video and TV Commercial. I’m not sure if I’m gonna be in the final release since the AVP would be edited by a third-party editor. I’ll just keep my fingers crossed.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *